Archive for February, 2009

Communion Journal

It is fairly easy to ask God for things. If those things come to pass, it is likewise easy to praise God and thank him for the answered prayer. Yet faith is the believing before the prayer is answered. While we still have no indication or reason to hope in an answer save the promise of God, we must believe then. Where does that come from? How do I get that? Lord, send me faith. Let me, in faith even, ask you for more faith, believing that I already have it; so that it will be by faith and for faith. Let me read your word likewise by faith and for faith so that it will spring up continually in me like living waters.

Communion Journal

My faith has developed in some extraordinary ways over the last two years. I can now believe that God can and will do extraordinary things for the sake of his people, which has allowed me to live in the extraordinary manner of this past two years. Now, I long for a seasonedness to my faith. I want to be able to wake up in the morning and be able to believe that God loves me, to feel that love, and to love him in return. Perhaps I act too much like a newlywed instead of a man who has developed consistency over many days of living.
Lord, as your love for me has never wavered, so let my love for you never waver. Thank you that my heart is warmer now than when I awoke. Yet I long for a further softening. Send me contrition. Send me joy. Without your Spirit moving in me, I am less than a worm. Yet in you, I am an heir to the kingdom. What contrition and joy I ought have continually.

Thank you Lord for the great men of faith. Men who felt their way into the unknown darkness of Christianity led only by you. Abraham had few of the benefits I enjoy: no word, no sacrament, no church, no history. Yet he had you, and you were more than enough for him. May I learn from these stories of your care and provision. Oh my soul, put your whole trust in the Lord. He alone is worthy of such trust. What a benefit you will have when you trust him. Even now, God is working in thousands of situations for my good, while I feebly strive to find him. What a wonder is our God.

The last several days, I have not been able to write when I finally dawned upon glory. How do I write when I would rather be enjoying my God? Today it swept over me as I was listening to Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring. This song to me right now is like how God is composing all of history to his glory and our good. Every note lovingly placed and ordained to make his masterpiece. What a God we serve.

Communion Journal

Lord, thank you for making me into such a person as can show your gospel to the world. Now let me be that person. Let that reality emerge from this reality of death. Even my marriage is a perishing reality. So says your word. Yet, in my being a husband, I can demonstrate to the world what kind of husband you are, and that will never perish. That demonstration will be written in your eternal book of remembrance. Forgive me, that I so often exchange your glorious gospel for the yoke of the perishing law. Grow my faith, that I might do better. In this way, I would glorify you. It is for this, in part, that your Son died. You will not deny him, but will give me more faith for his sake. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Communion Journal

I feel like yesterday was mostly a waste of a day. I got focused on a needless task to a degree where I forgot about God. Lord, allow me to walk more with you today than I did yesterday.
I slept in this morning, and when I finally got up, it was out of duty and not out of delight. Lord forgive my legalism.

Communion Journal

Lord, I’ve done everything I’m supposed to do. I’ve woken early. I’ve spent time in prayer and in your word. All of this is nothing before you. It will bless neither you or me unless your Spirit moves in the activity and makes it holy. Now I am tired and want to stop. I long to go entertain myself with some kind of distraction. Forbid it Lord. Let me fly to you, my one comfort and satisfaction.

Communion Journal

Jesus, for the joy set before him, endured the cross. Why did I get out of bed this morning? Was it for the joy set before me? Or was it merely out of a sense of duty? Faith acts for the joy set before it. In faith, if I believe I can, through Jesus’ blood, find communion with God, then I will arise to find the joy of that fellowship. That is how I wish to live my life: for the joy set before me.

Lord help me to enjoy your fellowship. Help me to stop introspecting, that I might fix my eyes on you instead of on myself. True delight is only found with an eye transfixed on you. Sen me your Spirit this morning, that he might guide my thoughts into your throne room.

Communion Journal

Every time I get in a discussion with someone regarding communion with God where the other party denies it as an essential part of our walk, the next morning I have a hard time feeling my need of God. Oh, my soul, can you not see how far from God you are? You ought be desperate for him!

I can’t really say I know where I communion with God this morning. It certainly wasn’t through a good search by me. Praise the Lord that he has filled me anyway. My heart is undeserving of the state it is in—yet I would still have more. Fill me up this day Lord, that I might overflow into your elect.

I’m reminded once again in talking to Ellie, who typically has a much easier time of finding God than I, that perhaps God has granted me a special dispensation of coldness that I might better help other find God.

Communion Journal

Used rising early as an opportunity to brag again last night. What a body of death. Allow me to cast off such ways as these oh Lord and to gloat only in your cross. If I need recommendation, you are almighty and will commend me as I have need. Thank you my savior that sins like these do not stop me from coming to the foot of the cross. Use occasions such as these instead to highlight my great need of you and thus bring me close to you.
You see, oh my enemy? You cannot use this as an occasion to gloat over me, for my God is the Lord of Hosts. He will use even this to bring me good and himself glory.

Communion Journal

Surely Lord, as you provided everything that was good and needful for Adam, so too, will you provide for your Church and even for me. Thank you for your provision and care. Oh my soul, rise up to believe that this care is real, then you will overflow with joy.

In writing this up for the internet later in the day, I was lifted up to joy in the thought that surely, in Christ, God loves us more than Adam. We do not serve a stingy God, but one who delights to show us love abounding. His saints are his jewels. He will deny them no good thing. If recreating an entire cosmos would serve me this moment, surely he would do it. What then will stand between God and his beloved?

Communion Journal

I took the last two days off of rising early. Two days ago as I was feeling an on-coming sickness and was about to travel, and yesterday as to recover from the flight and time-change. I praise God that he allowed me to rise early this morning despite my time off. It is often a concern and fear that I will turn any break or respite into a life-long pattern of laziness. My only reliance to stave this off is to throw myself at the feet of God, that he would not allow such a thing to occur.
We decided, a few days ago, to return to SLO to attempt to minister there. There is much to pray for concerning the move, but before all of that, I must pray to walk with God. If I am walking with him, he will guide me though all my trials perfectly; and if I am not, what does it matter my location? As always, my deepest need is God.

Communion Journal

This is the day that the Lord has made. The Lord has made this very day to further me in his causes. May I remember that and act appropriately, may I rejoice and be glad in it. Lord, let my rest today not be a vanity, but let me rest unto your glory. Let me cast off every hint of hopelessness. Let me instead meditate on your goodness and mercy which follow me every moment. How can a Christian loose hope when we have such a great God? a God who is continually acting powerfully for us in ways we cannot see.

Communion Journal

Will I always be so hard towards God in the mornings? Lord, I am in special need of you today. Let me cast off this aroma of death. Let me be salt and light. Conform me to thy image.

Lord, my mind is continually wandering. Is this not a result of a failure to see your holiness, beauty, worthiness, glories, and love. All of these things are so transfixing that they ought capture my imagination. Capture me in this way. Let me be caught up.

Prov. 22:4 makes me hope that God is in the process of pushing me down in the dirt and humbling me. Let it be so. Let me there abide. Pride is too hard of a task-master for me. Make me humble so that you might lift me up. In humility, give me a new fear of your name that I might not sin against you. Keep your testimonies continually in my heart, so that I might walk according towards your statutes and not by my own whims and fancies. All of this, you will do in me day by day. Thank you for your guidance to me. Who am I, that I get to be guided by the Almighty? I, who do not deserve the least understudy gets the Master himself. Oh my soul, will you not look to these things and rejoice? Will you not do your all to walk in a manner worthy of God’s graces towards you? He that is so kind towards you, would you give dishonor in return? Lord, cast this evil man away from me. How long will you bear with his iniquities? Cast him far off so that my cares would not be money, sleep, family, ease, and the applause of man; but that my end might be you. In this also, you will not fail. You will cleanse me of my enemy.