Archive for August, 2009

Communion Journal

Have approached God often lately with the attitude of, “I’ve done my part, now you do yours.” What arrogance. Do I not know that it is God who works in me to will and to do (Php 2:12) Does any mother run to her child faster than God does to his little ones who cry out for help (Isa 49:15)?

Communion Journal

Feel like the last couple of weeks I have been praying to try to get something out of God. I think, by God’s grace I have seen my folly and given up on my own will. I throw my plight upon God. May he do what seems good to him. I trust him more than my own ways and means. What a harsh slavery selfishness is. How much lighter to follow after God. Walking with God is not so much getting God to help us with our needs, but to make Christ our all and trusting God to remove all obstacles to that great goal.

Communion Journal

It has been a hard day. The feeling of it is something like this:

Everyone believes their religious beliefs are the exclusively correct ones and have a series of supposed proofs as to why they are right and everyone else is wrong. If they would but look honestly though, they would see that all their supposed proofs take no more power than what nature can afford. With very few exceptions, I have seen very little of what God alone can do. The scriptures are replete with stories of when man trusts in God, God acts strongly for man in a way that demonstrates his power. If there was no God, the last couple of years is pretty much what we would expect. Of course a few people are excited by what we are doing. We are extreme and extremism excites. If I tattooed a butterfly on my forehead, a few people would be excited by it. Of course my affections have been moved. Again, the extremism can answer for that. Yet where is the work that God alone can do?

I know how many would answer this quandary. That I must be content with little and not look for signs and wonders. I may be in sin (actually I’m sure I am), but my sin is not to be found in expecting great things from God. He is God. He performs wonders and acts powerfully to save those he loves.

I have been able to lift my soul to worship several times today by use of various means. Yet I soon slide back into an apathetic disposition. I look to God. He alone can lift my spirits from such a melancholy.

Communion Journal

Yesterday, after the mission I hiked Bishop’s and attempted to tell people about Christ. I could not open my mouth. Not one time did I say a word about him. When I came home my faith felt weak, I felt far from God, and I had a heavy heart. I was expecting to have the same heart when I woke up, yet my heart is much lighter and I can glory in the things of God much easier than I expected. How wonderfully gracious.

Communion Journal

Today is the second day that I played worship songs at the mission. Lord, bless it. I was more nervous and cold-hearted toward God today than yesterday. Yet through his grace I’ve received much comfort and strength and I hope to receive much more. Oh that I might commune with God while declaring his greatness for all to hear. I pray that God would bring people to hear who need to be ministered to—either in song, word, or prayer.

Communion Journal

Worshipfulness was a struggle yesterday. I was enabled to pray for a few minutes in desperate plea. This morning I’m feeling dry and devoid of spiritual vigor. How can my heart be so far from my God when he is so good to me?

Communion Journal

I see this morning—through prayer—that God is forming my heart into his creation. My heart for doing his will, seeking the lost, growing his kingdom are growing while my heart for my own pleasure and distraction, finding security in things other than him are shrinking. What grace abounds to us. What is more is that it is the very things that mold me in this way that I doubt God for the sake of. How merciful that he bears with me through those doubts. Yet help me lord to cast them off.

Communion Journal

Father, thank you that I know your love and can sing your praise. Yet there are many things I would rather do right now than dwell with you. This is evil Lord. It is a nefarious evil because we don’t see it as evil. Lord there are multitudes that believe that fragmented hearts are able to offer acceptable praise. Redeem us oh Lord. Save this very heart of mine from listless affection. Convict me of the sins of preferring sleep, distractions, vain day-dreaming, and the like to dwelling with you in prayer and supping with you from your word. Thank you for the change being wrought in my heart even as I write these words. Holy and powerful are you. New are your mercies each morning. Leave me not to my own ways Lord. Be gracious. Change my heart. You Lord are faithful to do it.

Carey said, “expect great things from God, attempt great things for God.” My great thing for right now is to change my heart into one that delights to daily tell of the greatness of God to all. That would lake the hand of God, for it is far from me.