Communion Journal

My thought this morning is that I’m ok, I’m good enough; I need not seek God especially. My heart would deceive itself so as to avoid closeness with God. I would almost rather wake up disliking God or hating him—it is easier to be broken and contrite over a direct rebellion than it is over a feeling that I have enough of God. Will I be content with a thimble-full when an ocean is offered? Father in heaven, may I not be content but as I resemble you! For your own namesake, for the sake of those around me, and for my own sake, lift me out of this apathy. As often, the word of God is what proves to me my hardness. I have a general respect and a warm regard perhaps; but it is not life to my soul … yet. Perhaps soon.

Lord, let me be desperate for you.

Lord, help me to fear you more than anything else. My life proves that I fear other things more than you.

Testify to me of your greatness.

Bless the Lord, oh my soul, for He crowns me with steadfast love and mercy (Psa. 101:4).

Thank you God that you mean me good and that you mean your Church good in my struggle to find you this morning. Let my struggles be a help and an encouragement to others.

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